Finding the Light Through the Darkness

I have struggled with depression most of my life.  At a young age I began to develop a sense of irony, perhaps too, young.  It sometimes expressed itself in the form of sarcasm and cynicism about the world I lived in, the people I met and interactions with them.  Because of some illnesses in childhood I also developed and understanding about death.  I began to see the world through a dark lens.  I was reading Poe in the third grade and loved horror movies which I watched despite my parents best efforts to keep me from “that garbage”.  I quickly learned that such a dark vision was not appreciated in children and began to adapt to the expectations of others.  I became adept at playing happy even when I was miserable.  I believe this to be the root of my depression, constantly trying to be someone that I’m not on many, many levels.  It wasn’t until middle age that I gave up the charade.  I’ve embraced my inner darkness.  I didn’t do the Goth scene in the ‘80s because I was busy trying to prove how normal I was.  Now I am dressing a dark aesthetic, I’m listening to Goth and metal music.  I’m writing a Gothic horror novel and I’ve never been so genuinely happy in my whole life.  To people that think members of the Goth subculture are depressed I offer an observation.  Depressed people don’t spend two hours getting dressed in the morning.  They’re lucky to get out their nighties.  There were a couple television shows that really helped me to accept myself.  One was the HBO series Six Feet Under and the other Showtime’s series Dead Like Me.  The following clip is the final minutes of the final show of the series that sums this all up very nicely.  Voice over by Ellen Muth as Georgia Lass in the MGM TV series.

Dead Like Me S02 E15 Final 2 minutes

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